oh, the things i find in my travels around the internet

BACKWARDS MOVIES!

If you watch Scarface backwards, it's about a man who gives up cocaine and crime to follow his dream of becoming a dishwasher to earn enough money so he can visit Cuba.

If you watch Rambo backwards, it’s about a man who brings people back to life with his magical vacuum gun

if you watch The Karate Kid backwards, it's about this karate champ who slowly becomes a pussy and ends up moving back to Jersey.

If you watch Jaws backwards its a movie about a shark who threw up so many people they had to open a beach.

if you watch cloverfield backwards, its about a monster created by the air force that goes around fixing everything, and then he goes for a swim in the ocean and everyone is so happy they throw a party and go to sleep

if you watch lord of the rings backwards, its about two hobbits who are dropped off by birds at a volcano and have to hike hundreds of miles back, as a practical joke on them

if you watch fight club backwards its about a lonely, psychotic, jobless guy who fights his way into a great, job-filled, mentally healthy life.

if you watch any. any. michael cera movie backwards, he regains his virginity.

if you watch castaway backwards, its about a man who rides a raft out to sea to live on a desert island for a few years before summoning a plane from the water to go propose to his girlfriend

If you watch Point Break backwards, it's about a bunch of surfers who jump 30,000ft into an airplane, then set about a spree of extreme bank deposits

Titanic backwards is the story of an enormous iron ship that surges up from the vast depths of the ocean in order to save a large number of people who are inexplicably, and somewhat foolishly, floundering in the water near an iceberg. It then takes them back to Southampton.

if you watch saw backwards, its about people getting healed by revolutionary doctor equipment

If you watch The Matrix backwards it's about a bunch of robots who rescue some humans from a post-apocalyptic future and allow them to live in an idealized reality.

If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it's about an amazing T-Rex who pukes up dinosaurs and people and builds itself a pen to live in. Then they open a dinosaur themed park around it.

honestly, who throws a shoe?

i was originally going to do a post about how pointless and even useless email has become given all the social networking sites out there, but screw it.

THE WAL-MART APOCALYPSE!

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/6188951/
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/6246976/

very similar in spirit to the idea of Target 2012. enjoy :)

not my joke. i'm not funny. but quoted for freaking truth.

A large firm hired a tribe of cannibals. At the orientation the CEO said, 'Welcome to the company. We are happy to have all of you. But we would like to insist that you all promise here and now to never eat any members of this company. Can I get you all to promise that?'

One by one the cannibals all agreed. All was well. But one day a secretary suddenly went missing. The CEO immediately called a meeting with the cannibals. With all of them in one room the CEO addresses them. 'Everyone that works with you has had nothing but good things to say about you. However we've had a secretary go missing recently. None of you would happen to know anything about this would you?' One by one the cannibals all shook their heads.

With that the CEO took his leave. However, the moment the door slammed shut the chieftain immediately turned to the others. 'We've been eating managers for WEEKS! Who was the IDIOT who went out and ate a secretary!'

ninety percent of everything is crap

so i've been in this bizarrely good mood all day, and i can't quite figure out why that is. when i woke up, i don't think i realized it was friday, so i was gearing up for just another generic midweek day. and by the time i clocked in, i realized that it was in fact friday and there was a weekend just sitting there on the other side of my shift. so i issued a mental challenge to myself not to let all the usual crap get to me.

and you know what?

it worked.

now i'm as surprised as anybody that i wasn't in a bad mood today, or even more than passingly annoyed at something. i want to make a joke right now that involves me typing into the internet without even wearing a shirt (which is true), but it's just not coming to me. maybe one part that augmented it was the caps beating down the leafs tonight, but even for the 13.5 hours before that, i still was doing pretty good.

so now there's a weekend ahead of us, and i need to figure out what's going to happen other than the next caps game on sunday. megan was working tonight but she should get off soon, then she closes tomorrow and sunday. nancy was organizing a thing at champions for her favorite band, but i missed the part where that's going down at the end of february instead of this weekend. so as long as it doesn't coincide with a major olympic hockey game, i can easily see myself being social there.

but for the rest of this weekend, it looks like more internetting and tv'ing and reading (shirts optional).

so yeah.

that deaf dumb blind kid does something, but i'll be damned if i can remember what it is

maybe i just haven't been paying enough attention, but i can't recall hearing anyone comparing obama's response to the haiti earthquake to bush and katrina. i know they're different circumstances, but it seems like we as a country are seriously gearing up to save haiti. that's all well and good, and i'm sure in hindsight a few years from now (read: 2012 election cycle) obama will be the great compassionate one. and even i'm not cruel enough to say that the haitians should suck it up and pull themselves through it. but it seems to verge on overkill compared to the way that we (as a country) geared up for and responded to katrina. i saw some headline talking about his winning streak in congress about getting laws passed that he personally got involved with, but i'll reserve judgment until i see how health care ends up.

it may surprise you to learn that working in retail, i don't pay for (and can't afford) health insurance. i'm lucky enough to be fairly resilient when it comes to getting sick or injured, so i've gotten through for the last five years without it. in that span, the worst i've had was a case of strep (which if you worked with me back then, you know what kind of shape i was in). but since a prescription of penicillin cleared that right up, i'll claim that i've done alright without insurance in my lifetime.

so maybe i am tempting fate, but i really believe that i don't want health care coverage forced on me. the most asinine part of it is charging everyone if they don't have insurance. why kick a person when they're down, especially if they can't afford the ice pack for afterwards? i don't normally get all political, but that just seems like you're begging not to be re-elected.

anyway, whatever. at least i'm blogging again!